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Let the Economy “Go to the Dogs”
It is an old maxim that the dog is a man’s best friend. The Divorce rate can keep going higher and higher, friendships often come to an end, but nobody heard of a dog divorcing its master or vice versa. Perhaps it’s because man’s best friend cannot talk. If dogs could talk, it would be as hard to get along with them as it is with people.
Anyway, considering that the dog is our best friend, we pretty much take it for granted. 0True, we do have pet supply stores from where we buy dog food, but that’s about all. A good dog does not live by dog food alone. Still, we do not have much in the way of recognition or entertainment for our canine friends. In their frustration, their only sources of enjoyment are chasing the odd cat or growling at the hapless visitor that comes their way.
It is interesting then to hear that in Australia, someone has invented a beer for canine consumption. This has been going down fairly well with dogs. Pretty soon I can imagine dog bars coming up. This will raise some questions about responsible drinking. What should be the legal drinking age for a dog? Also, many dogs have responsible duties, such as drug detection, Seeing Eye dogs etc. Will they be administered a breathalyzer test before starting duty every day? If they come to work drunk, what sort of punishment should be administered? Perhaps no chasing cats for a week?
Another interesting bit of canine news came to me from a friend who visited New Zealand, where dogs are used for sheep farming. It seems these dogs attend canine training schools. They have regular school buses that pick up and drop them off in the evening. Dogs are graded and tested and there is a graduation ceremony. Some schools are more prestigious than others. An experienced sheep farmer can tell by the way a dog carries himself whether it is from an “Ivy League” school or a “Run after the cat” variety.
Hearing this news from Australia and New Zealand, it is clear that the Southern Hemisphere has outpaced the Northern Continents. 0It is time for us Northerners to show our mettle and outdo these sub-Equatorial upstarts. I have been mulling some random ideas.
For starters, some of our empty malls could be redeployed as cat chasing arenas, where dogs would go for a little recreation. In case this sounds inhumane (or infeline), we can always use robo-cats. These would have the added advantage that their speed could be adjusted to suit the dog’s capacity. Development of these robo-cats would provide a boost to the American robot industry and provide much needed jobs, while the arenas would repopulate our vacant malls, vital in an economy that’s going to the dogs anyway.
For the more soulful personalities (or caninalities?), we could have musical howling contests, or have “caninoke” bars for the aspiring. Some of our human pop singers would do very well in these contests, provided they sneak in with a dog’s costume.
Our entertainment industry, which has figuratively gone to the dogs, could do so literally, with canine soap operas. It would be interesting to come home and find your dog crying over some silly-sentimental soap opera. Dog movies would give our screen writers a fresh field to exercise their creative imaginations. The best movies would of course be honored at the Golden Bone Awards Ceremony (Howlomony). However, a word of caution, we do not want to have movies that promote anti-human sentiment, otherwise we might end up with a canine revolt.
Besides the Australian beer, various other drinks could be developed for our canine friends-sodas, vitamin waters, liquors, teas and coffees. (I wonder if anyone has researched dog’s reaction to Pepsi and Sprite). This would boost our wine and beverage industry and employ thousands of workers.
How about fast food, the equivalent of McDonald’s and Burger Kings for dogs? I am sure they will wolf down the burgers before you can say Woof. However, I do not think they will like the idea of eating a Hot Dog. Whether “All you can eat” buffets for dogs will be a success or not, I have no idea.
Dog baseball does not seem very practical, (how would they wield a bat?); however, since they have four feet, soccer would be an ideal sport for our furry friends. 3Finally, I would like to see some dance systems developed for dogs; I am sure they will adapt very quickly to the Fox Trot. Also, dog dancing would give a new relevance to the term, “I have two left feet”.
Anyway, you get the idea- we have the blueprint for a new approach that would better the life quality for our canine friends while also improving our faltering economy. So on first thought, it would be a good idea to let our economy literally “go to the dogs”.
On the other hand, I can imagine the dog owner coming home in the evening. His now lazy dog, who previously jumped up and greeted him or her enthusiastically, would simply grunt from his armchair, continue eating his dog biscuits and watching his favorite sitcom or the evening news. So, on second thought, it might not be such a hot idea after all.
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This post was written by admin on July 4, 2011




